i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
