so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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