flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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