"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i think i have two assholes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
