note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
