We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
