Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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