So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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