yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
