It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
