Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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