Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
