I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do herpes really smell.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
