im having a threesome with these popsicles
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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