She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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