just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
