She announced her abortion via fbk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
