i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
