turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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