God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
