You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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