yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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