nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
