Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
