last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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