Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize