everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
