I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
