I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize