rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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