I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
