But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
honey bunches of taint.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
