this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
