Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
