My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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