You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had to cum in my sink.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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