he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
