a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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