I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
