wat bout pragnant strippers??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
me + whiskey = a bad person
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
