someone threw a dead crab at me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
