I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize