i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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