I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
