Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
