Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This house was built for laser tag.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
