My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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