Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
