I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
