Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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