I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize