I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize