my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
