So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
