if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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