I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
