Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize