That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
