Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
