Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
