JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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