It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
