I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
