She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
