I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize