I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
