She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
