she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
