You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
