I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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